Confession

I have debt. I have big huge honkin debt hanging over my head. It is an anchor to my heart and I am scared. It goes back to being a young single mom. I really would have gotten into debt regardless of my daughter. Perhaps she saved me from digging a bigger hole for myself.

Ahhh de nial aint just a river in egypt......

The lies: The debt grew because I kept telling myself I will have a better job someday. I had enough in savings to pay it off and I can at any time cash that out (That made it seem safe. HA HA HA) I lived like I already had the next bigger job. I lived like I wanted my daughter to see and not by what I could afford to do. The funny thing is If I had conserved I probably would have been able to buy all that I wanted I just felt like I was starting off in the red. Then because I was in the red who cared if the amount grew. Who cared if the debt got bigger. Its just a noose you learn to live with. We as humans live with so much adversity it is amazing what we are willing to live with. Well I am not willing any more.

Other lies: In the life journey I have also moved a lot. I dont own a home so I have been paying rent for 15+ years - that adds up to $0 fast. There have also been some poor choices. I worked for a person I should not have. I also, after the business fell apart, was unemployeed for a eighteen months. I was very very depressed. I still shudder at that. I never never want to be unemployeed again. At least one third to one half of the current debt I have is from that year and a half. It makes me so mad at myself. I am never mad at the 16 year old in me but if I could go back and shake the 32 year old I would like to shaker her and say WAKE UP dont you see what you are doing to yourself???

And more lies: Health insurance, Car maintenance and clothing. Three expenses that do happen and I almost always ignored. I thought if I didnt have money for those things I wouldn't have to deal with them. They will go away. And that is true. If you ignore your car it will break down and someone will tow it away and then what will you do to get to work???

No more head in the sand. Today there is bright sunny daylight and I am on a journey to be debt free. My daughter just informed me that we do not owe the youth guard any more it is paid in full!!! Wa hoo - only 5 more weekends to go and I will be free to get a second job. There is light at the end of the tunnel and the journey is going to be fun. I will shake off the debt and go forward with retirement savings.

I an not a financial professional. If you are looking for financial advise you should seek it elsewhere. If you would like to join me on the journey, walk with me for a while and be my friend......