Change

I've accepted that I'm going to be making lots of changes in my life. I have spent time taking care of other people's budgets but not my own. Well it’s my turn. I know what needs to be done. Now that I have this great resolve to get out of debt and there is a lull. I can’t take action until I get paid again. I hate to wait. I have conflicts with looking for a second job. I think I need to look into consulting. I am worried about being able to pay off this debt. Yet here I am waiting and stuck. I hate that feeling. The tension of two opposing forces tugging and pulling at yourself.

So inspiration:

After reading the NY times articles and exploring lots of financial blogs I decided an on-line journal was the way to go. I am ready. I have examined my debt before - never with any belief that it could end. But now I believe. Previously I thought that some "magic" event would come and get me out. I thought that Some event like getting married or getting a dream job would take care of the debt. But it never happened. I thought the medical charges should be a part of the insurance plan so why was I accountable for them? I thought I would get a better job in the future and my expenses would decrease and I would be able to pay it all off. (Laughing LOUDLY at myself here) I thought an investment I made would come through and I'd be able to pay it all off and still be able to purchase a home out right. Agghhh that special magical thinking. The light is on. The fairy dust is gone and it’s just me. And now I am ready to pay it off!!!!

There were a few ways I got into debt. I was a young single mother. I had a decent job, but I needed the income of a middle aged family. I thought my ex-husband would be supportive. HA. I always thought I was on a journey to being rich. I believed I could be a CEO (more magical thinking) the next big chance was just around the corner.

At least I had a college degree going for me. I am grateful for that. It could have ended up a LOT worse. But then because I believed in the degree that played into what I thought I could spend. I never thought the highest I would go is middle management - and it would be a good opportunity. I had some savings. I had no college loans. That’s probably what spoiled me a bit. I never lived on my own just me I was either a daughter or mother. It was a big and rough transition. I had no idea. I learned over time. To make a casseroles for lunch, to not go to Target on payday, to be careful what I say yes to. To need less Stuff and value what I am and can do. It was a journey to get here and it will be a journey to get out. Come with me if you want to............................ The future starts now...